my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so fucking hard

(Source: ahcalamity, via uncharted-dreamer)


no one wants to fertilize my eggs we can stop with the monthly foolishness

(via thoughts-werent-spoken)

i just want to be skinnier

  • me: do ur homework
  • me: no